The Art of Civil Discourse

Something incredibly rare and beautiful occurred the other day. I participated in a social media discourse with someone, not of my generation, and probably not of my political persuasion, ( I didn't inquire) and it was completely civil. We exchanged viewpoints and perspectives and closed with mutual admiration and respect. The thing you have to understand is that the topic was incredibly divisive and, for me at least, a "die on this hill" type of subject. There are some issues that I, as a Christian and a basically decent human, will never compromise on. Nevertheless, we were able to have an engaging and thought-provoking conversation.

I feel that this should be the norm rather than unique. Unfortunately, during the past several years, there has been a sharp decline in the civil exchange of ideas. People tend to follow those who are like-minded, which is completely understandable, but when we refuse to even listen to those who think differently, we lose something precious. The founding fathers often disagreed on policy but they were unified by the idea of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. They were focused on the well being of the nation they were creating therefore, they were able to put aside minor differences until freedom was in their grasp. Of course, some ideals are non-negotiable which is why it took years to put them into practice. From the documents I have read, it appears that they were able to have difficult conversations while holding on to their beliefs. Even Hamilton and Burr were fairly polite in the letters they exchanged leading up to their fateful duel.

When I see clips of people screaming abuse at one another and even using violence to get their point across, it concerns me for the fate of our nation. When politicians refuse to compromise, even for the welfare of their people, we have a massive problem. We have to relearn the art of civil discourse. It should be taught at home, in school, on the field, in the workplace, and especially in the church.

One of the main components of civil discourse is the ability to listen. Active listening is listening with the intent to understand. Often we listen with the intent of responding. Jeff and I have learned to communicate better in our marriage by learning to truly listen to each other. We have both confessed to occasionally (ok, almost always) pretending to listen while silently formulating a rebuttal to be thrown out like a grenade at the appropriate time, incurring the most damage possible. This is devastating to communication in a marriage. Sincere listening is an art form that must be diligently practiced and tuned to perfection. While it is momentarily satisfying to sling a sarcastic comment or to gleefully correct someone, it is like eating cotton candy, ephemeral and short-lived. The consequences of those words, however, can linger long afterward in the hearts and minds of both parties.

Imagine with me, if you will, a conversation between opposing political, religious, or ideological points of view, where both parties are allowed to express their opinions, where opinions are based on facts rather than feelings, and where respect is given and received. Imagine what could be accomplished in the church, in politics, and in the world. Unity because of our differences, thought processes that follow logic, not emotion, and human life valued in all its glorious forms. That is a world I want to live in, a country I can be proud of, and a human race that brings glory to its Creator.