Sticks and Stones

When I was a kid, we used to chant, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”. This was usually in response to name-calling and it was often said with clenched teeth and fists. Even as a child, I wasn't convinced of the accuracy of the adage. Words may not leave visible bruising but they absolutely wound our hearts, staying with us well into adulthood. I think physical wounds are actually less destructive because most of them will heal in time. The invisible scars of verbal abuse fade with time but never completely disappear. I still wrestle with things said to me decades ago and I cringe at the memory of hurtful words that have left my mouth.

Before I really engaged with Jesus, I felt justified in lashing back, holding strongly to the ideology of an eye for an eye. As a Christian, I am called to bear the fruit of the Spirit. These are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. Thus, name-calling or cruel, hateful speech is not an option. We, with God's power, must learn to respond in love to vindictive people. I can live with that. Actually, it's not optional if I'm walking in the steps of Christ. There is a place for righteous anger. Christ expressed anger at injustice and cruelty seen in his culture. However, the Bible says not to sin in my anger. What does that mean?

These days I find myself biting my tongue so often it feels like the tip might fall off. As I am sitting here in my favorite coffee shop trying to write, a lady is sitting across the room talking so aggressively about politics that I can't focus. Her language is offensive, she is loud, and I disagree with everything she is saying. I want to walk over and tell her to shut up until she can speak with eloquence and knowledge. Instead, I choose to plug in my headphones, trying to bring my thoughts back to what I want to communicate.

Words are powerful tools. Whether spoken or written, they cannot be recalled once the damage has been done. So many things I wish had remained unsaid still make me wince with regret. Countless times I have been scrolling through my phone when a comment or post will jump out at me because of its vitriolic content. It's not uncommon for me to type out a quick response or write an email containing a blistering response, but I've learned to stop and think/pray before hitting send. This has saved me a lot of unnecessary conflicts. Most people who know me are aware of the fact that I follow Jesus. Therefore everything I say or do reflects on him. When I was a teen, my dad would often say to me, "remember who you are". This ruined quite a few nights for me. I knew that if I was caught doing something wrong, it would affect him. I didn't want to hurt him so I stayed out of some bad situations. If we are professing Christianity, we are God's ambassadors to our world. If we are rude, spiteful, uncaring, or harsh it makes Him look bad.

Don't get me wrong, I am not afraid to stand up for my beliefs. I just pray to do so with love and grace. If people are offended, it should be by the Gospel, not by my personification of it. I believe in our 1st Amendment freedoms and I will exercise them. I will not allow anyone to tell me how to think, what to read, or how to vote. I will put my beliefs above mandates. I pray that I will have the courage to stand for what is right and the wisdom to choose my battles.