One of the best things about growing up in church was pot luck dinners. I don't know if churches still have pot luck dinners, but they should. Everyone came to church an hour early, usually on Wednesday nights once a month. But they didn't show up empty-handed. They brought food...tons of food. Whatever you could imagine was laid out on long tables. You had your main dishes like fried chicken, pot roast, lasagna, and ham, followed by sides such as mac-n-cheese, green beans, potato salad, baked beans, and collard greens. Then there was the bread. No one was counting carbs. Cornbread, dinner rolls, garlic toast, and buttermilk biscuits. But the most popular table was the dessert table. This was usually set up in a separate area and guarded zealously by one of the elder church ladies. We had to eat dinner first and we could only take one dessert. The desserts had names like Miss Nancy's Fudgy Brownies, Aunt Bessie's Ambrosia, and Granny Snyder's Triple Layer Coconut Dream Cake.
The great thing about pot luck was, you never knew what was going to be on the menu. It was unpredictable and we looked forward to seeing what everyone brought to the table. Of course, we didn't all like the same dishes. I loved ham and sweet potatoes but my brothers might have preferred the baked chicken and broccoli casserole. That's what made it special. Everyone got to share something they loved and sometimes you tried new dishes you had never heard of before. If we had just stayed in our own homes and eaten the same old food every week, we would have missed out on so many beautiful tastes.
We don't have pot luck anymore. In fact, we don't have Wednesday night prayer meetings either. We've become more "relevant" and moved in "new directions". Don't you just love the new church lingo? It's so corporate...
I fear that we've lost the art of pot luck. We've decided as a culture that everyone has to like kale and tofu and pickled cabbage. I'm being facetious, but you get the point. We were created to be unique, to have differing opinions and quirky personalities. Americans used to talk about things like melting pots and discourse and individualistic perspectives. Suddenly I'm learning new phrases like group-think and cancel culture. I grew up weighing my words and thinking before speaking because that's what the Bible teaches. Now I just don't want to speak at all. After all, I may unknowingly offend someone. Here's the thing, I love reading and researching new ideas, old ideas, history, and literature. I am a life long learner. I want to listen to other points of view. I am interested in your life experiences. But this has to be a two-way street. One voice can't be right because it's louder. I see so many good people trying to find the right words to express support for people or to question methods but they are too afraid to voice either. No matter what they say, someone will mock them or "educate" them. Our variety makes us delicious. If all I saw on the table at church was chicken and yellow rice, I would have cried. I like those things but I like a few other dishes mixed in for flavor. We miss so much when we only listen to those we agree with. As the scripture says, "Iron sharpens Iron". I don't want to be dull. Reading about other faiths makes my faith deeper. Learning about other political views makes me do my homework. Hearing hard stories makes me feel compassion. But I want to hear from you across the table or sitting in the living room. I want to see your face and read your expressions. I want you to look into my eyes and know that you are loved even if we disagree. Chances are, we'll disagree but guess what? That's OK. That's normal. My husband and I don't agree on everything. My daughters and I don't always agree. What we do agree on is respect, love, honesty, integrity, compassion, and faith in God. Sometimes one of us will change our opinion based on a conversation. Sometimes we know that it's time to change the subject. That's maturity. I will always be happy to listen to you as long as we respect each person's right to have a voice.
My high school students were playing a card game yesterday. This game requires non-verbal communication but can also get quite heated. The noise level grew as everyone at the table tried to be heard. I finally quelled them and said that being loud doesn't make you right. One of them looked up with a grin, “I said “Kemps”, y'all just didn't hear me.”I gave him the point amid disgusted groans. Sometimes we have to listen to the quiet voices.
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