Letter to My High School Self

I work with high school students. God has blessed me with 16 beautiful kids that I interact with five days a week. We read the Bible and journal together, we study soft job skills, we perform community service, and we tour schools and businesses. During all of these activities, we talk. We talk a lot. Sometimes talking involves "spilling the tea", which veers dangerously close to gossip and therefore needs constant redirection. Often we talk about random things such as football, music, movies, and even politics. We've grown closer and they have begun to trust me. This allows us to tentatively delve into deeper topics that include faith, marriage, temptation, and personal accountability. As I try to tiptoe through possible minefields while maintaining my integrity, I often refer to mistakes I've made and some things I wish I had done differently. The curse of youth is the inability to consistently learn from the mistakes of others. As a teen, I heard many stories and witnessed the repercussions of bad decisions. Still, I walked blithely down a disastrous route of my own making. When my students tell me some of the choices they're contemplating, I have to resist the urge to shake them screaming, "don't be an idiot!" I would probably lose my job and they wouldn't listen anyway. My kids will soon have the opportunity to interview our staff. One of the questions I've prepared for them is, "what advice would you give your high school self?" As I was thinking about this I came up with some ideas of my own.

Dear 14-year-old Trish, it's ok to be a nerd. You don't have to be cool or popular. These four years will pass and you won't even stay friends with the people you are trying so hard to impress. Those who intimidate you now will one day be reduced to a social media profile. You may or may not accept their friend requests. Guess what? It won't be life-changing if you never see them again. Focus on the few friendships that will make you a better person. Don't trade authenticity for popularity. Resist the urge to follow the crowd. The crowd is usually wrong or, at the very least, mediocre. Don't date. It is a waste of time, energy, and emotion. You won't marry any of your high school boyfriends. Save yourself a lot of heartache and headaches and just be friends with guys. No one is emotionally equipped for a long term relationship in high school. When you're 16, your "cool" friends will begin experimenting with partying. Resist the temptation to try drinking or drugs. Nothing good will come from being drunk or high. Save us both a future affected by drug-related trauma by walking away. Spend more time with your parents and grandparents. Ask them questions about their lives. Remember, they were just normal people before you and your brothers came along. Someday you will want to fill out a book about your ancestors and talking to them will save you a lot of time on the internet. Find a godly woman to be your mentor. It's difficult to navigate life on your own, and teen-age girls sometimes have trouble talking to their moms. Seek the wisdom that others have already won. Be active in the community by putting others first. Find a need and fill it. Visit the elderly, feed the hungry, protect the vulnerable. Don't be afraid to speak out when you see injustice. Stand up for your beliefs. Don't give in to bullies in whatever guise they appear. Don't hesitate to question things. Just because that's the way it is doesn't mean that's the way it should be. On the other hand, don't be too quick to throw out ideas just because they're old. The church is not flawless. It's made up of flawed people. Support it and pray for it but don't blindly go along with it. Put people above programs. Respect authority but don't be afraid to respectfully question it. When you graduate, don't go straight to college. Take a year off to figure out who you are. You may discover things you never imagined. Just make sure you meet Jeff at some point. He is going to be your best friend and the father of your kids. Your kids are going to be amazing. I know that's the furthest thing from your mind right now but you are going to love being their mom. By the way, work harder in Algebra. You're going to home school them and math isn't your best subject. Finally, don't ever, ever doubt the love of God. You may leave, in fact, you will, but he will never abandon you. In a world that will consistently disappoint and crush you, He is the only one who will never hurt you. No matter what you do, you can always come home. Best wishes, you're going to have a beautiful life.